Issue #85

Old Psychological Patterns That Block Your Sales...(And How to Fix Them)

We tend to think we can get better at sales just through new strategies and tactics. But often there is something older, deeper and invisible holding us back.

Sales is emotional.

The (true) cliche is that we decide with our emotions and then justify with our brains.

Your client decides based on how they feel around you and about you. If you carry hidden fear, neediness, or mistrust, they feel it.

Of course, in a work setting this will never be surfaced or discussed. They may not know why, but they’ll pull back.

Where does that fear come from? Usually, childhood.

If your early environment was unsafe, inconsistent, or lacked real love, you built protection strategies to survive.

• You didn’t feel secure, so you learned to stay small.
• You didn’t feel seen, so you over achieved.
• You weren’t supported, so you stopped asking for help.

These were necessary moves then. But they can quietly ruin your ability to sell now.

This is because selling requires:

• Confidence (I believe in myself and what I’m offering)
• Connection (I build trust fast and keep it solid)
• Clarity (I speak without fear or hidden agendas)

And you can’t fake those. You have to build them from the inside out.

It's Not Them, It's Me

I worked with a founder who was great at product but couldn’t close deals.

His voice wobbled when he pitched. He’d discount before anyone asked.

When we traced it back, he realised something: as a kid, his dad only praised him when he got straight A’s. Anything less, and it was silence or sarcasm.

So he grew up thinking: “I only have value when I’m perfect.”

And in sales, where nothing is ever perfect, he froze.

Rejection felt like being worthless again.

We worked through it using a simple framework. He started small: quoting full price. Letting the silences hang. Learning to say, “This might not be for you.”

And his world didn't end, but deals did start closing. Not because his pitch had changed but because he had.

The “REPAIR” Framework

Here’s the 6-step process we used to fix what was in the way.

R - Recognise the Pattern

What makes you feel unsafe in sales?

Cold outreach? Asking for money? Targets and deadlines?

That’s the signal. Don’t avoid it study it. It is not a real danger to you now, it is a hangover from long ago. These things will never go away, they are part and parcel of sales. It is your attitude totem that must change.

E - Explore the Origin

Where did this fear or limit begin?

Was risk punished? Were emotions ignored?

You don’t need to relive it, just name it. Naming it gives you the power to control it, to catch it under the microscope and understand it.

P - Pause the Reaction

In the moment you feel fear, don’t perform.

Just sit with the feeling. Breathe. Feet squarely on the ground.

Let the old script play without obeying it. Like watching an old movie, but you’re going to change the ending.

A - Act Against the Limit

Do the thing - just a little, enough to realise the boundary is not real, you made it.

Speak up earlier. Ask for the higher price. Challenge the deadline.

Stretch the boundary. Safely. It’s not scary when you control it.

I - Integrate the New Data

Notice: you didn’t die.

The world didn’t collapse.

Start trusting the new evidence. Then you can really build up a portfolio of evidence that counters, crushes, the old story you used to tell yourself.

R - Repeat

This isn’t one breakthrough. It’s reps.

The new story becomes real when you live it. The more examples you have of the new behaviour, the more out of date and irrelevant the old story becomes.

And that is it, you don’t need more tips., you need fewer internal blocks.

When your nervous system feels safe, people feel safe buying from you. They read you as a calming and confident ally.

They don’t just buy your words. They buy your state, because they are looking to you to give them confidence and permission to move ahead.

So if you're a founder, salesperson, or even a coach trying to close more deals, work on the script behind the script.

That's where the power is.

Here's a quick video that will help you find and use your positive triggers, so you are always on form:

​

​

​

I help founders and enterprise sellers in three ways:

1. You can get my Sales foundations course here
2. Drop me a line for a chat about coaching
3. My sales blog is on LinkedIn everyday, totally free!

And tell your friends about the newsletter (forward it, they will greatly admire you forever). Then I can reach my goal of helping another 1500 salespeople succeed this year.

​