Issue #98

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Human beings are mostly just a collection of reflexive behaviours, wrapped in skin. Most of our identity is created out of learned responses from our formative years, almost exclusively focused on keeping you safe.

Read that again - they keep you safe, not successful, not rich, just out of trouble and alive.

We like to think we’re in charge, but we’re just observers as we run on old mental train tracks laid down years ago.

Indian philosophy calls those rails Samskaras. Every thought, feeling, or action leaves a trace behind it.

Do it often enough, and it becomes your automatic response.

Like a well worn path in a field, you keep walking the same route because it’s there, even if it leads straight into a ditch.

Play It Again (and again), Samskara...

I used to have one particular Samskara that nearly ruined me professionally.

I’d step into a boardroom, to present or advise, and my brain would start screaming, "This is dangerous!"

My pulse would spike and my voice would tighten. I’d either talk too fast or occasionally freeze entirely.

On one occasion I froze so badly, a medical director (luckily it was a Pharma company) insisted on checking my pulse afterwards.

He thought I might be having a cardiac incident.

It was like being possessed by a terrified teenager who thought the entire room was about to throw him out of the window.

How I Changed The Pattern

First, I had to notice it. I realised that as soon as I felt the rush of adrenaline, I was halfway into my old reaction.

So I learned to catch that moment.

Instead of automatically launching into panic, I’d think, “Ah, there it is again”.

An internal question that really helped here was, “What am I doing right now?” It allowed me to see my own behaviour from a small distance and question whether what I was doing was going to help me get where I wanted to be.

Sounds small, but spotting the Samskara happening in real time is half the battle.

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Second, I forced myself to sit quietly every day for five minutes and just do breathing exercises.

Okay, I admit it - I meditate.

Meditation didn’t magically turn me into the Dalai Lama. But it helped me practise letting thoughts pass without grabbing onto them.

As part of the practice, I imagined myself in the “hot” seat, remembering to breathe and focus on my physical presence.

The next time I felt panic rising in a real boardroom, I remembered: This is just like sitting in my own chair at home, and my breathing returned to normal.

I posted about this last week, click here or the picture to read.

Breaking Bad (Behaviours)

Third, I practised new actions. It broke the trigger that was getting pulled.

I’d deliberately pause before speaking. I’d drop my shoulders. I’d ask a question instead of blurting out a rushed answer.

These small behaviours started carving new grooves in my brain.

Fourth, I challenged the story running in my head. For years I believed that if I looked nervous, people would see it and instantly lose respect for me.

Turns out, the board doesn’t care nearly as much as I thought.

They’re too busy worrying about their own images and playing their own internal monologues.

Once I saw that belief was garbage, it lost all power.

It allowed me to rewrite these scenarios into positive events and gradually that became the reality as they became my expectation.

Turns out being yourself in front of important people is a superpower, read more here.

Finally, I fixed my environment. This has a couple of aspects, the first was the people I let near me.

I stopped telling my then boss when I had a big meeting because he would give me a load of useless advice and load up the pressure.

If you want to know more about the dangers of following simple/stupid rules like your boss tries to give you, read this.

Then ring me on the way, text during the meeting and call on the way home.

That had to stop, so he got a cryptic diary entry in my timesheet and then an edited briefing at weekly one to ones.

It’s not just people you have to switch up, it’s everything around you.

• I started listening to audiobooks from inspirational people and real teachers. People who had faced big challenges and told the truth about their journeys.
• I played music that calmed me down, not the pumping rock my boss always insisted on when I couldn’t avoid him “helping”.
• I also learned to spend long periods in the car just sitting in silence, a bit like meditation but you have to remember you’re doing 70 mph at the same time (never went over the limit…).
• I kept a list of evidence based affirmations. Not “I am a radiant being of light,” but real reminders like, “I’ve defended price successfully before. I know my numbers. I’m not new at this”. I’d repeat them in the car on the way to meetings, like a coach in my own corner.

I will admit that I also got into chanting, too, as a way of meditating that was slightly less boring than just sitting down and breathing, but I think that is a matter of personal preference.

It Takes Time

The time will pass anyway, the real question is, "What are you going to do with it - help yourself or nothing?"

Over time, the changes stuck and really made a difference.

I still get a raised heart rate at board meetings, but now that is the excitement of sharing my ideas and hearing new challenges.

It doesn’t run the show anymore - I do.

The lesson is simple: Samskaras are grooves, not concrete walls. They can be rewritten, one small choice at a time.

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If this sounds fascinating and you'd like to use it in your practise then drop me an email about coaching - let me know if there's a particular problem you want to work on.

First call is on me.

Have I mentioned I created a course to give you all the basic skills and knowledge you need to be an enterprise seller?

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