Issue #104

Don’t Let Old Scars Stop New Deals

A few years back, I worked with an account manager who could win over any room. Julie was sharp, warm but tough when she needed to be, meticulous in her work.

But she stalled every time, at the point where a deal needed her to ask for something significant.

Proposals sat in draft, awaiting client data validation. “Just checking one more thing,” she would say, while the time drifted on.

It was not laziness or disorganisation. Over coffee one day, she told me about a father who would vanish for months, then return - only to criticise.

Every time she reached a point of achievement in her adult life, her reflex was to hold back because finishing meant exposure.

Exposure meant someone could take it away.

You Make The Rules, Not a Scared 5 Year Old

That’s the thing about childhood trauma. It writes rules in your head that once kept you safe, but now quietly sabotage your progress.

Click the image to get Issue #85's full run through a 5 step process to deal with old psychological patterns that ruin your sales.

So what? You say, save the therapy for the weekend, but in sales, those rules show up everywhere.

You hold back trust because trust once cost you. You push back on authority because it feels like a threat, not a structure.

If your early life was lived one day at a time, the idea of a six-month sales cycle can feel impossible.

I have been there myself. I grew up in a hypercritical house where love was conditional and had to be earned. That environment gave me perfectionist issues.

The belief was simple: if it is not flawless, it is not worth handing in. I never had therapy for it, but I learned something better for my work, the ability to say, “Fuck it, we have hit the deadline, out it goes.”

You can find out how to be truly authentic and how I did it by clicking the picture to get Issue #84.

That single decision has made me more money, closed more deals, and created more opportunities than perfectionism ever did.

I may get the root problem sorted out one day, but in the meantime I’m making money.

The Paradox Of Being "You"

The paradox is that some of this wiring is useful. The same vigilance that makes you wary of people can make you exceptional at reading the real agenda in a meeting.

The instinct to check every angle can save you from walking into political traps. The challenge is to keep the useful parts and dismantle the rest. To just get rid of the blocks, not the super powers.

(If you are wondering what your blocks could be, then this Linkedin post will help, it talks about the fact that how you do anything, is how you do everything, click here.)

If this is you, the immediate fix is not therapy, at least not at first. It is getting coached through the exact moment you freeze, stall, or pull back.

That means working with someone who can give you tools in the moment so you complete the action you would normally avoid.

You are not trying to solve the past, you are learning how to win despite it.

Once you have enough wins, you can decide whether you want to go deeper.

Start Here, Start Now

Coaching is about finding that courage in the moment and having tools that keep you moving.

This five-step process (I know, I do like a simple process) works whether you run it yourself or with someone who will hold you to it.

1. Name The Choke Point

Identify the exact moment you stall. Not “I am bad at follow-ups” but “I go silent when the CFO asks about ROI.”

2. Create A Minimum Action.

Find a move you can make in that moment that doesn’t trigger anything inside or that you can ignore. Hit send, ask one question, book the next call, nothing more.

3. Pre-load Your Cue

Create a phrase, reminder, or ritual ready to trigger that action. For me, it is “Fuck it, deadline’s here.” For you, it might be “Send it now, refine later.”

4. Act In Company

When you are starting, do it with someone there (a coach, a peer, even a friend), who will keep you from backing out or check in on you.

5. Log The Win

Write it down. Keep a record of every time you beat the old reflex. Over time, those notes become proof you can act, even when the trigger hits.

Repeat this until the action starts to feel less like a battle and more like a habit. You won’t be “fixed”, but you will be trained to win despite the old wiring.

And that is enough to change your results.

That account manager still sends her proposals without delay. She also knows exactly why she used to hesitate, and that knowledge is now an edge.

She can see those patterns in her team, her clients, even her competition.

Once you can see it, you can work with it, even use it to your own advantage.

Selling with old scars is not about pretending they are not there. It is about making sure the parts you keep are the ones that help you win, and getting the right help to push through the ones that do not.

---

If you want to know more about how I help people succeed in sales team management, drop me an email.

If you want to get your team trained up in the basics of enterprise sales click here.

A full suite of 10 minute videos you can integrate into your weekly team meetings to coach the team to excellence. Never be stuck for an agenda again and watch your team grow into experts.

Reply to this email if you want to discuss coaching or consultancy for you or your team.